GROW ON THE INSIDE
Every once in a while, I meet some amazing people online. In them, I find that THING that drives me into long, endless conversation with them! I could correspond for a whole day with them without been tired. A cord has been striked! Friendship begins.
Yesterday, I met another of such personalities. Such an amazing, sweet young lady. Intelligent, curious, practical and sold to Christ!
(Gosh, I don't even know her surname, we couldn't talk about that, we had more to talk about than just surnames). She's a writer, a motivational speaker and an activist! (We'll talk more about her some other time). Somewhere in between, this amazing lady was responding to a question I asked; "Have you ever presented on stage?" I asked.
"Yes. Mostly in the church. And IN MY ROOM" she responded.
Oh my, that response blew me off!
It brought back memories. Painful, important, and beautiful memories!
The first time I tried speaking in public was when a teacher asked me to read a passage in class. I was so excited and trying to please the teacher, I read very fast.
The teacher stopped me before finishing my reading and told me "Hey. You're a very bad reader. No full stop. No comma. We don't read like that. You don't know how to read. You're a poor reader. And You're in Secondary school? You'll never learn how to read. My friend sit down"
('My friend' in African classroom is not a friendly phrase, it is a statement for establishing authority)
I've never fully recovered from that experience!
Up to date, I don't like giving answers in public. I don't appreciate having to talk in public (even though speaking comes naturally to me now) The memory lingers. I restrain myself as much as possible from delivering any form of public address, in fact, that's one of the reasons I prefer to write. Writing places me in a perfect position to be express my thoughts.
In her response, I saw myself. After that bitter experience, I decided to read every speech I saw. By the time I was in JSS3, I knew all the "Ambassadors of Poverty" off hand, I knew Martin Luther's "I have a dream" offhand, I had read all the speeches in English Past Questions and Answers, WAEC, I knew Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg address, and I knew many quotes off hand. And most importantly, I had talked to myself more. Sometimes I stay late into the night, not reading but talking. Presenting imaginative speeches to imaginary audience. Then, I had no envy for writing. I will talk, sometimes loudly, sometimes just in my head but always I was talking to just myself.
I doubt if anyone ever knew I was doing that, I was afraid that people will hear me talking and laugh at me so I did this silently with a low voice and mostly when everyone was asleep. I once spent an August Holiday at my Aunty's house, it was such an experience. There, I did nothing other than eat, play with the laptop and watch cartoon. They left me with a big room, the Tele was there but the bathroom wasn't there. Yes, bathrooms were part of the audience. Many times, I will visit the bathroom and spend hours there, doing nothing but presenting an imaginary speech. (Bathrooms are still very relevant, they serve as more usable altars than anywhere else for me, personally)
In 2015, I had to present a graduation speech. Without script, I walked to the podium and was lost! I still do not remember what I said. Many comments came in but that wasn't so important! The most important part was that the same teacher who blasted me off called me to a classroom and was crying, he couldn't say a single word. I understood! Gave him a big hug and left!
There are many lessons in this short story but the one I wish to relate with today is inner change begins before an outward one. Good things happen within before they happen without. I am still in, and I feel very much babylike but atleast I know growth is a product of a deliberate decision improve and be better.
I choose growth.
Choose growth.
Yesterday, I met another of such personalities. Such an amazing, sweet young lady. Intelligent, curious, practical and sold to Christ!
(Gosh, I don't even know her surname, we couldn't talk about that, we had more to talk about than just surnames). She's a writer, a motivational speaker and an activist! (We'll talk more about her some other time). Somewhere in between, this amazing lady was responding to a question I asked; "Have you ever presented on stage?" I asked.
"Yes. Mostly in the church. And IN MY ROOM" she responded.
Oh my, that response blew me off!
It brought back memories. Painful, important, and beautiful memories!
The first time I tried speaking in public was when a teacher asked me to read a passage in class. I was so excited and trying to please the teacher, I read very fast.
The teacher stopped me before finishing my reading and told me "Hey. You're a very bad reader. No full stop. No comma. We don't read like that. You don't know how to read. You're a poor reader. And You're in Secondary school? You'll never learn how to read. My friend sit down"
('My friend' in African classroom is not a friendly phrase, it is a statement for establishing authority)
I've never fully recovered from that experience!
Up to date, I don't like giving answers in public. I don't appreciate having to talk in public (even though speaking comes naturally to me now) The memory lingers. I restrain myself as much as possible from delivering any form of public address, in fact, that's one of the reasons I prefer to write. Writing places me in a perfect position to be express my thoughts.
In her response, I saw myself. After that bitter experience, I decided to read every speech I saw. By the time I was in JSS3, I knew all the "Ambassadors of Poverty" off hand, I knew Martin Luther's "I have a dream" offhand, I had read all the speeches in English Past Questions and Answers, WAEC, I knew Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg address, and I knew many quotes off hand. And most importantly, I had talked to myself more. Sometimes I stay late into the night, not reading but talking. Presenting imaginative speeches to imaginary audience. Then, I had no envy for writing. I will talk, sometimes loudly, sometimes just in my head but always I was talking to just myself.
I doubt if anyone ever knew I was doing that, I was afraid that people will hear me talking and laugh at me so I did this silently with a low voice and mostly when everyone was asleep. I once spent an August Holiday at my Aunty's house, it was such an experience. There, I did nothing other than eat, play with the laptop and watch cartoon. They left me with a big room, the Tele was there but the bathroom wasn't there. Yes, bathrooms were part of the audience. Many times, I will visit the bathroom and spend hours there, doing nothing but presenting an imaginary speech. (Bathrooms are still very relevant, they serve as more usable altars than anywhere else for me, personally)
In 2015, I had to present a graduation speech. Without script, I walked to the podium and was lost! I still do not remember what I said. Many comments came in but that wasn't so important! The most important part was that the same teacher who blasted me off called me to a classroom and was crying, he couldn't say a single word. I understood! Gave him a big hug and left!
There are many lessons in this short story but the one I wish to relate with today is inner change begins before an outward one. Good things happen within before they happen without. I am still in, and I feel very much babylike but atleast I know growth is a product of a deliberate decision improve and be better.
I choose growth.
Choose growth.
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