PARENTING JUST BECAME HARDER

The world has changed in profoundly remarkable ways. While everyone around the world is still adapting to these changes, the western world has adapted better than the others for the fact that it is mostly the one pioneering these changes and its culture was built on the foundational principles that change is the only constant thing in life. Technology has changed almost everything in the world, including our sense of values. The most poignant indicator of these change in values is the way electorates had to choose in elections all over the world. A few decades ago, Donald Trump/Hillary Clinton, Muhammadu Buhari/Atiku Abubakar, would not have stood the chance of winning elections, however, with the massive change that has happened in our world, electorates were willing (and sometimes passionate) to choose between two evils.

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While these changes have affected everyone, the African parents are amongst the most affected class. Parenting has become harder than anyone could have imagined. History is right, “parents are the hardest people to please” however this generation does not even seem interested in pleasing their parents. Parents who were born mostly in the 1950-1970s are finding it extremely difficult to raise their kids in the “way that they want”. Indeed, the struggle most parents are facing is understandable. The world they were born and raised in has changed in ways that they have not totally understood, and are even fighting against. One of the key African values is the respect for tradition, the maintenance of the status quo which basically implies that “change” is highly discouraged. Most parents grew up with the same values, holding up to these ideas and they intend to pass the same legacy to their children.

I’m sorry parents, the world has changed. We all know this. 

In 1999, if I wanted to send a message to my Cousin who lives in the city, it might take weeks before it got to him. Most children in 1970 (today’s parents) knew only one place during their entire childhood- their village, they had no access to any other part of the world. In those days, there was only one source of knowledge (authority)- the parent. But is that the same world today? It certainly is not. It takes just a second to send a message to Canada. And a child has seen the artworks of Leonardo Da Vinci without visiting Italy, they’ve watched movies that display the Statue of liberty and they know very much about Bhutan. All these were almost impossible to know, in 1970 unless you traveled to their respective locations. And the most significant part of these changes is the source of information. Parents have lost their place as their single source of information for their children. In fact, young people rarely ask their parents questions that really disturbs them. Google and Facebook have taken over this highly-valued place of African parents.

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The result of this coup d’etat is that most parents no longer have the kind of influence their parents had on them. And of course, they don’t want to let go- they are willing to go head on with their children to prove that “I am your father and you must listen to me”. What most of them fail to understand is that information is power and it is part of the reason that their parents had a huge influence on them. Authority isn’t just authority, it is built on something other than itself, either knowledge or power. And it begs the question, who has more knowledge between the two generations? When they need to install Facebook, it is their 10-year-old daughter who does that. When there is a news major news headline and they need every link on it, their 10-year-old daughter does that for them. And when they put a pin or password that they cannot remember, it is their 10-year-old son that knows how to fix that. While most parents have wisdom, they rarely have the knowledge that their 10-year-old daughter has. If knowledge is the authority, and this generation is proving it is, the authority has shifted hands. Certainly, this shift is uncomfortable for our society and it has led to countless friction between parents and their children, parents cannot truly raise their children in this generation if they do not understand this dynamic.

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Faced with this dilemma, the first place we run to, as Christians, is the Bible. Parents bombard their children with scriptural verses such as “Children Obey your parents in the Lord” and many others that seek to establish the authority of parents over children. But even this strategy, as noble as it seems, is failing. Immediately after hearing that verse, the next thing your child sees, on Facebook, is this quote by Roy T. Bennett, “Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, stop caring about what others think.” You can guess what he or she will be thinking and doing by then. The Bible itself has not been saved from these current dynamics that are taking over. Although it has been under attack for several years, the attack in recent years has been enormous. Equipped with information, data, speed, and freedom, this generation is bent on totally exiling the Bible and burying God. This is also part of the challenge we have to confront. There is a growing population of open atheist, wrong interpretation of the gospel and a lot of gibberish happening in the name of God and claiming inspiration from the Bible. A lot of young people do not value the Bible as the older generation did, few believe it and fewer still are willing to read it.

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So how then do parents navigate these dangerous unclear lines?

It is also worth noting that these changes are not yet over, the world is still changing. You’ll be amazed at how much would change by the end of this year, to say the more of the total period you will have to shape your children. We are practically living in constantly changing times. Adapting to these changing times will certainly be hard, but can you afford not to try... even for the sake of your children? And the generations after them? 

While these are not “100 Ways to Raise A Child", these are recommendations that I believe, being a millennial myself and having studied the technological changes that have hit our world, will help you to become a better parent and raise your children in ways that will create a Godly imprint in their hearts. It is not your fault if you have done all you can, and your children do not follow the path of the Lord (I pray this does not happen to you); it is your fault if your children do not have the BEST TRAINING possible.

Researchers have developed a model which is now commonly referred to as the Five Generation Rule, it states that “How a parent raises their child — the love they give, the values they teach, the emotional environment they offer, the education they provide — influences not only their children but the four generations to follow, either for good or evil.” 

to be continued.....